She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
