well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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