Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
