I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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