Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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