I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Non-Jews are for practice
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
