We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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