dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
