Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
