does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
