I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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