some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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