I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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