I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
