do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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