just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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