Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
