we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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