i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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