I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
