In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
