just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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