i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
