you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
