we have officially lost it.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
