i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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