Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
