it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
