She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
