did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
