Just cropdusted the office
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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