If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My balls are so social today.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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