but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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