my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
