By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
