another moral hangover. fuck.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
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they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
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Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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