There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
