i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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