I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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