everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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