The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
