he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize