Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
