You work out of a Hotel?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
