my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
