u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
