Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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