I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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