Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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