I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
