What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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