Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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