But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
