pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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