my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
