When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I will be naked everywhere
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
