Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
