Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
