so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So vagazzling was a success
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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