when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
