Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
