I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
