This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
