Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
