I think scott just propositioned me for sex
her vagine was all disorganized.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
