I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
