did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize