he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
