just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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